Keepin' up with da Lingo

Has it been a tough Monday???
You know it has when the BLAMESTORMING sessions at work are seemingly endless, concluded only by the appearance of your SEAGULL MANAGER who's chewing everyone out except for your buddy who has mastered the art of ASSMOSIS. If only the ADMINISPHERE could come now to your rescue! To top that off, you get wrongly accused of CROP DUSTING the CUBE FARM because of the MOUSE POTATO who falsely PRAIRIE DOGGED you out on it. And finally, just when you're done with work, you're headed off to go home to your SITCOM lifestyle and listen to that STRESS PUPPY wife of yours who's busy nagging you to replace her SWIPEOUT cards. That only leads to depress you further as you know that not everything in life can be procured through your office's XEROX SUBSIDY program, and so instead of treating yourself to a night out on the town in GENERICA, you are forced to conserve your monetary resources as you try and entertain yourself with the latest dose of IRRITAINMENT, that is, only if you can get your remote to work with a little bit of PRECUSSIVE MAINTENANCE without breaking it like you did last time.
And all this makes you wonder... what went wrong in your life? What you wouldn't do now to go back before you started acting like you had 404, what you wouldn't do now to stop all this madness before you had that OHNOSECOND. What the heck were you thinking...? And more importantly... where does it all lead to now... surely, one thing that's for sure is that you must turn things around quickly if you ever want a chance of becoming a WOOFY.
But for now, you'll just have to learn to deal with SALMON DAYs like today...

- Not sure what the heck I'm talking about... then keep up with da Lingo!

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why adeadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOM-s: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.(I always heard these were called DINKS - dual income no kids or DINKWADS- Dual income no kids with a dog).

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. So is Survivor or Fear Factor.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

GENERICA: Features of the American/Canadian landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.....

(Thanks to Palm Jokes for the Lingo definitions)