Aman Managing to Make Situations Awkward

I met her about two months ago as I joined my new job. She's a smart, beautiful and very attractive young woman in her late 20s. She has a great body, and a very trendy and fashionalbe dress-sense, that seems to be only more noticeable at my place of work. She's liked by everyone, and is a fun girl once you get to know her.... but I guess that's where I messed it all up.

Before you assume that I *like* her and want more than friendship with her... let me just correct you by saying that is simply not so. Yes she's attractive, dresses-well and has all the qualities that I'd want in a girl... but NO, I'm not into her that way. She's just a great girl, that it would be fun to hang out with at work whenever one had some down-time. And that's where it stops!

But the casual friendship that I want might seem too far-off a concept for now, as I've managed to fu*k things up pretty badly... by simply trying to play it cool. But now I'm realizing that I was anything but *cool*.

Its not cool when I notice her pass by my office, but never once say 'hi' or 'hello' becuase I'm trying to show her that I don't notice, though I clearly do. Its not cool that I avoid sitting next to her during meetings though I clearly want the opportunity to try and make small-talk with her. Its not cool that I pretend to play busy at work whenever I see her caught up in a hallway conversation and don't stop by and participate, though I'm yearning to take part in it. And, its definately not cool that I avoid conversing with her when I see her at the gym in the mornings, though I know I enjoy seeing her there as it seems to motivate me to train harder for some reason.

Why the heck am I trying to play so cool...? Why can't I just admit to myself that she's a great girl who I want to get to know better, and so that means taking an iniative. Why can I do this with all people except for girls that I find attractive, even though I may not be seeking anything more than friendship, as in this case. Why do I go and make simple things so complicated sometimes...?

It all hit me in the head yesterday evening as I walked by her in the hallway and wished her with a good-night greeting... only to be ignored by her as she simply didn't say a word. This girl that used to respond to my greetings, and even discussed her marathon-training with me the first time I saw her at the gym, has suddenly grown a bit colder towards me.

But I guess I simply can't blame her, as I've been playing *cool* for simply too long....